Mommy guilt, anyone?

I recently made plans to go see a movie with a friend and scheduled a babysitter to watch my five children for a couple of hours. When the time to leave came, I felt terrible because all the kids were crying and seemed so unhappy to see mommy leave. 

I went anyway, of course, because I needed a break. I have learned that if I don’t take some time for myself, I am more impatient, irritable and tired — basically, I become an inefficient mom.  

We’ve all been there — (okay, there are some perfect women who never get worn down, but I suspect they’re robots) — when it feels like all you’re doing is yelling and corralling the kids. You’re no longer a parent; you’re just a clock-watcher waiting for the kids’ bedtime.

Getting away for awhile gave me the break I needed. I have learned that a little “me-time” goes a long way to recharge my batteries. I think we all know that we shouldn’t feel guilty about it, but we still do. 

My sister, a child psychologist who often times gives me tips and insider’s information from the world of experts, has told me that a recent study revealed that as many as 90 percent of mothers feel apprehensive about balancing family and work and more than 60 percent of mothers feel guilty taking time away from their children. 

Military moms may feel an even stronger need to always be present for our kids because our spouse is often gone.  It’s easy to neglect the importance of taking time for us.  

It’s also easy to become so much a part of the military world and our husband’s job that we don’t have something of our own to turn to when we need to burn off some stress.  

It’s a good idea to have something separate from our kids, and even our spouses, whether a hobby, exercise or even just going to the occasional movie with friends.

As my sister says, “It’s not quantity vs. quality, but more a question of budgeting the time available for a mother to complete all the tasks of her life, including parenting. Kids are resilient. Guilt wastes precious time — don't give in to it!” 

I think it’s true. Guilt becomes a habit and a choice, at least for me, and if I choose not to feel guilty, then I won’t take it on.  

The habit may be hard to break, and some guilt is functional, but most is just a waste of time and energy. 

Parenting is a process of learning. If we listen to our ‘parenting instinct,’ then we will not go wrong.

So military moms — and all moms — need to ask themselves honestly if there’s a good reason for their guilt. 

There’s no doubt that children should be a parent’s first responsibility.  

But if a mom is doing her best and her children are loved, she should drop the guilt and give herself a break.

So go out and have a little healthy fun, ladies.  What are you waiting for? 

Anita Doberman is a freelance writer, mother of five and wife of an Air Force pilot stationed at Hurlburt AFB in Florida. Contact her at:

anita@anitadoberman.com