More than one wife not the life for some

I am Italian and somewhat jealous when it comes to my husband. It runs in our blood. The concept of sharing a husband with other women is completely incomprehensible to me. I’ll often remind my husband that there are still numerous passion murders when a husband is found to have cheated on his wife. 

With the recent raid on the compound in Eldorado, Texas, and the ongoing investigation involving polygamy, the debate about having multiple wives and sharing a husband seems to be everywhere. 

I interviewed several women who had lived with or still practice polygamy, and I tried to understand how someone freely chooses to live this lifestyle. 

I spoke with Anne Wilde, co-founder of Principle Voices, a group that advocates for women in plural marriages (the preferred term); and Flora Jessop, a woman who escaped from a polygamous lifestyle and is now involved with organizations that help abused women escape from fundamentalist groups. 

I was surprised by the fact that Wilde is an educated woman who chose to enter a polygamous marriage after her first monogamous marriage ended in divorce. 

She was the second wife of Ogden Kraut, a prominent Fundamentalist Independent Mormon, one of the fundamentalist groups practicing polygamy, who wrote more than 65 books about Fundamental Mormonism. 

Wilde and Kraut were married for 33 years until his death. Wilde said she was very happy in her plural marriage and that she enjoyed close relationships with her “sister wives” and with her husband. 

Wilde is also an Independent Fundamentalist Mormon and believes that only the original Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (LDS) teachings were correct, teachings from which the LDS church has long ago distanced itself.  

In fact, mainstream Mormons typically don’t consider the fundamentalists to be Mormons at all. 

Wilde and most other fundamentalist Mormons don’t wish to legalize polygamy, but instead to decriminalize it. They also believe that the state shouldn’t intervene when it comes to decisions between consenting adults. 

Wilde seemed a very capable and bright individual, one who clearly chose her lifestyle. But the news surrounding Eldorado, Texas, appeared to reveal abuse, underage marriages and complete isolation from the outside world. 

Jessop, who had a very difficult time escaping a polygamous lifestyle, said that abuse, including physical abuse, is extremely common in these communities and that young girls and eventually women are not equipped to reach out for help.

It’s estimated that there are between 30,000 and 36,000 practicing polygamists — usually Mormon Fundamentalists — in the United States, Canada and even in Mexico. 

But it’s difficult to collect data; these living arrangements are not out in the open and legally a man only marries one wife, and then “spiritually marries” the others while co-habiting with them.

So there’s often not much the law can do about prosecuting plural marriage itself.

I don’t know if Wilde is the exception and Jessop the norm in these situations. But I do know these people in the news for their plural marriages are real people.  

Nevertheless, while I generally say, “live and let live,” what’s more important than the welfare of kids?  

It’s a social quandary about freedom that goes to the heart of our country.  

Personally, I could never agree with polygamy. It runs counter to my genes. My own husband often jokes that one wife is more than enough. And it better be.  

Anita Doberman is a freelance writer, mother of five and wife of an Air Force pilot stationed at Hurlburt AFB in Florida. Contact her at:

anita@anitadoberman.com